Examinig Difference

While reading all the posts in relation to examining difference, I noticed everyone to label themselves firstly as Caucasian. I can understand the logic behind it – the colour of the skin is the first thing one mentions when describing a person, but it is not necessarily the first thing one would classify themselves to be. I would understand why a person living in a very multicultural and multi-ethnic environment would pay a lot of attention to race, consciously or not, since. In Slovenia, though, most people are Caucasian and not many pay attention to this fact until they meet someone who isn’t. This is why being Caucasian isn’t the first thing I would define myself to be.

Gender is a huge identification factor, so first and foremost I’d label myself as a woman, which probably stems from my childhood insecurities and trauma of having short curly hair to the age of 12, looking like a freshly shorn sheep and hating it. People would quickly mistake me for a boy and I’ve spent my teenage years trying to be more feminine in appearance and behaviour. I still have my moments of dissatisfaction and insecurities about my appearance, but then again, who doesn’t?

I come from the Gorenjska region (so do all my grandparents except my grandmother on my mother’s side), which is also a big part of my identity, and so is my home dialect.  When I’m in Ljubljana, I often feel a warm fuzzy feeling hearing my dialect, hearing people speak of small places I know … Even though I do not feel homesick and love living in Ljubljana, it is still nice to feel a connection with home in a relatively foreign place. I like my dialect, but I do try to tone it down when talking with my schoolmates, professors and strangers, since I somehow feel protective of this important part of my identity. I know it is a bit irrational to believe this, but it seems I tend to “save” all my dialect for my relatives back home, since it’s one of the rare things we share in its entirety.

I am also the youngest of three children, I have two 6 and 8 years older sisters. I used to be much more “grown-up” than most of my peers and I believe my amazing sisters had quite a lot to do with it. There were not many children of my age in my village and I had two choices: I could either play with children younger than me and adapt to their mental level or make friends with my sisters’ generation and become a bit more serious. I chose the latter; this was probably the decision that had the biggest effect on my life of all. I still do not feel my real age, but rather a few years older, all thanks to my sisters.

When it comes to other factors that shaped me into what I am: I am a part of an enormous family (more than 180 relatives only on my father’s side), was raised in a traditional Christian environment (which I've consicously steered away from in the last few years), a musician for as long as I remember, a film, series and buff, avid reader, lover of coffee, tea and travelling (even though I travel far less than I would want to) … But then again, there are already such detailed interests I do not find it reasonable to apply any of them to me since such application would not be consistent. After all, none of us is defined by only one’s heritage or a few important events, but rather by hundreds of small interests, past experiences and people around us. People are a constantly mutable beings with our identity being in the process of change and redefinition all the time. We can slightly change in one single night …